Blah! Being an adult

I cant recall a time where I had to make decisions this important. To apply or not, to stay or go, to upgrade or simply replace. I can recall a simpler time where my decisions did not have such a lingering impact...such as high school. I was not a fan of that time in life, but I'm starting to appreciate it's simplicity. I remember when an 18 year old was applying for a car loan with their mom, and they made a comment about how life was difficult and they were busy because "they were in high school." I looked at the mom, as if to ask if I could give a reality check at that point. Mom smiled, so I did. I said "if you think you are making decisions now, and that you are busy...wait until college. Then wait until you graduate. That is just the begining!" I didnt want to get all "when you are my age" but I couldnt just let that comment slide.
Oh yeah, and the young man wasnt involved in team activities or a job. So busy!?! At least mom was fine with a little reality check.

This week I have been consumed by a job I have applied for...applied for 2 months ago. I didnt hear back for 30 days because apparently they went through the entire process with another person, offered the position, and were declined because said person didnt want to give up the flexibility that her current job offered. She's a mom, and when you have tenure, you dont have to start again. Makes sense....and I wonder now if there was more to it.
First phone interview was ok...not all that inviting but kept me interested. Then I had an in person interview with my potential new boss. She was inviting, and I felt we connected. She had great things to say about the company (peci.org), and I knew that I could work with this person.
Never in my mind did I doubt if I could work in another training capacity, other than for a financial institution. Never did I doubt that my questions were in the wrong direction. I didnt doubt at all, and looked forward to a call back.

So, 3 weeks later (which is what was the deadline), I get the call back. I get SO excited I tell my coworkers and I start to realize that the decision to apply for this job means I might have a BIG change in my life. Oh, and if I perhaps wanted to make other big decisions in my life, that would have to wait.

Then I get the interview schedule emailed to me. Mind you, I had been prepped by the manager at the previous interview, but here's when reality sank in:

1:30 - 2:30: Interview with Training Manager, Sr. HR Manager, Staffing Manager and Associate Director in Operations

2:30 - 3:00: Interview with Associate Director in Commercial-Retail and HR Manager

3:00 - 3:30: Interview with Senior Program Manager in Large Commercial and Associate Director in Residential

3:30 – 4:00: Your presentation and Q&A

For your presentation; pick a topic of your choice to present to a small audience. You’ll have 15-20 minutes to give your presentation, including any discussions or activities you may want to include This presentation is intended to give us an idea of your teaching style and how well you organize and instruct curriculum. You are welcome to bring any PowerPoint or presentation materials as you see fit.

WOW...so this is an adult interview!?! Yes, and it was actually refreshing to me that so many people were interested in the decision. Finally! Executives that care!
So I started preparing, did research, gathered questions for each person, and made a fun presentation. I even used their logo in my materials. I was ready to kick some butt!

First interview, with 4 people. They did a good job at making me feel relaxed. It lost it's warm and fuzzy feeling as the Assoc. Director in Ops started to control the conversation. I kept the perspective that they just wanted to make sure I am a good fit, and sometimes difficult questions need to be asked.
Next interview...hmmm, only the HR Manager showed up. Well, I can understand a meeting running late. People are VERY busy at this organization. Due to the missing person, we went through the planned questions quickly and I got a chance to just start probing. She was saying magic words like "communication" and "transparency." I'm back to being excited! I'm building relationships!
Next interview...hmmm, only the SR Program Mgr for Large Residential showed up. There was a definite feeling of "I showed up because they asked me too, but I have no idea what to really do here" from the person. She was very nice, and did have interview questions on a familiar page...that she ignored. I realized she just wanted to get to know me, and understand how someone can walk into an organization with little knowledge (of the company) and turn around and train it. They didnt have a training dept before, so the concept is a bit new. In the end, it was like I was interviewing her a bit. I did feel that rapport was built.

In the back of my mind it was...hmmm, why didnt people show up? And the operations manager left me with a funny feeling. And these titles that people have here, so many associate ___ and senior ___. They have an interesting structure...
So, then I give my presentation, to 3 of the 4 people from the first time slot. It seemed to go well, but I'm used to a bit more, involvement...enthusiasum...appreciation...? I know I did well. I really dont think I'm misjudging that. But what happened here...did they realize I may not work and now they are going through the motions? Well, that is what it felt like.

So now I dont know if I want to work there. I dont know what I want. And this decision DOES impact future ones I need to make. In a huge way to me. So, we will see. Maybe I'm just tired (note time of post), maybe I read things wrong.
I've got to think on this a bit...I may even call the hiring manager just to talk to her some about the experience. At the very least, she displayed that she had confidence in me.